okay.. I realized I havn't updated my blog for like eons, coz mainly I don't know what to write.. It's just that boring..
I seriously don't know what to write... jeesh.
Well, recently I've been going out with my dear a lot, and he's rather grumpy and moody from all the financial turmoil that have been going on in the world markets...
and when he gets angry he make a really cute face... furrowing his eyebrows and baring his teeth.
bleah..
Its funny, considering how I consider myself to be an expert on relationships, yet can't help but feel annoyed at some antics that Alvin does...
it sounds ludicrous that I claim to be extremely experienced in relationships cos I'm only in my early twenties, but really.. does age matter?
I've been through so many that sometimes, I wonder if I could ever fully trust a relationship ever again...
I always say that "The first relationship is never the last."
It's a simple, polarized and vastly sweeping statement that carries my exact judgement on what would happen in the future.
I believe that it is impossible to believe or understand the amount of sacrifice, love or care the other party gives if one doesn't lose everything and realize that loss.
If you have everything, would you know nothing?
If your life is all happiness, would you truly know happiness?
Complacency and lack of understanding breeds contempt...
How far would you go, compared to your previous relationships, to sustain your current relationship? Can you prevent the same mistakes from happening if they never happened in the first place?
I think I lost count on the amount of relationships that I've been through...
Each time being stabbed and hurt so badly that I become numb.
Numb?
Yeah.. thats the definition... Not what happens when another person who loves you hurt you mistakenly...
It's when the person whom you sacrificed and love so very much turn their back to you and walk away..
Numb, is pain so intense that you no longer feel pain.
When your body shuts down it's responses to agony to protect itself from dying from emotional pain.
You cannot feel numb when another person truly loves you.
If anyone can claim to be numb when another person who loves you accidentally does something hurtful, then they either don't know what they're talking about.. or doesn't love the person in the first place.
When a couple gets into a relationship, they start out with fluffy puppy love in the beginning, but it evolves into a more distinct, supportive love eventually.
Words like,
"You're so beautiful", "You're so sweet", "I want to be with you forever"
evolves to become
"You're always beautiful to me", "*a simple grin*", "Let's do this together".
It no longer becomes an issue with the other party, which always starts out in the beginning that way, and it no longer becomes an issue with yourself, which always slices in halfway in a turning point in the relationship.
It's about how you can complement him. It's about how he can complement you.
Have you seen him cry? Or have you touched his tears?
Have you felt his deepest agony or his darkest fears?
Have you? Can you?
One day, you'll come face to face with this, and can you still innocently give that puppy love that falls to nothing in the face of true sadness?
If you love someone, then understand that it takes more then talking on the phone, going out with him or her everyday, or spending money on them.
One day, it'll just all fall to nothing. And then you'll realize what numbness is really like.
I love his smile.
I love his witty statements.
I love his big broad grins.
I love his hugs from behind.
I love his hugs from the front.
I love his spikey hair.
I love his puppy eyes.
I love his grumpiness.
I love his frowns.
I love his bared teeth.
I love his furrowed eyebrows.
I love his sadness.
I love his sniffles.
I love his tears.
They are all what make Alvin, Alvin. The Alvin I love so much...
We may argue, make spiteful comments at each other, or even fight... but it's what makes us treasure each other more when we're not.
I love him..
always did....
